|
Have You Lot Your Damn Mind?
|
|
|
|
Written by David Wallach
|
|
Monday, 14 July 2008
|
In my “pre-triathlon years,” I was fortunate enough to enjoy spend some time with Hunter S. Thompson enjoying his favorite indoor sports-we’ll leave it at that.
As we were hanging out in Aspen watching South Park the Movie and eating a Dominos Pizza, I shared my writers angst with the good Dr. (cuz that’s what you’re supposed to do).
After a lot of talk, most of which I don’t remember, probably because of the mushrooms (on the pizza), he did say something that I do remember, “Have you even interviewed yourself?” You have no problem asking people tough questions, but how ‘bout yourself? Try it, and ask yourself this one question to start “Have you lost your damn mind? See what you discover.”
In honor of the good Dr. I recently did just that, here’s what I came up with. Scotty T, I think I have you beat on the esoteric riff this month.
Me- Have you lost your damn mind.
Myself-Honestly?
Me- Yep. Listen, if were going to get through this you have to take this serious and also stop hogging the tequila!
Myself- Yes, I have, but which time do you mean? At one time or another I think most of us have, but getting it back is what counts. Lime?
Me-No thanks, I’m the one asking the questions, but since you brought it up. Let’s stick with Triathlon. What in the hell did you do?
Myself- More specific please.
Me- Ok, how’s this why? Why did you get involved in this sport.
Myself- I won a bet, is the short story. My mother had passed away from cancer and then two weeks later my wife left me, took the kid, took the car, took the dog, lost my job. I became a country song.
Me-Harsh! Have some more. Back on track.
Myself- I lost my damn mind, I was alone, flat broke, 50 pounds heavier than I am right now and mostly drunk. I needed something positive in my life, I wanted to be a better man for my daughter, my remaining family, myself. A friend lost a drinking game to me and I got to pick the punishment. “Tomorrow we start to train for a triathlon!” Have you lost your damn mind!” was his response. Exactly!
Me- Hmmm. Not the most righteous path, but I get it.
Myself- Don’t hmmmm me pal. I know where you’ve been! It may sound cliche, but triathlon saved my life. After all I had been through mentally, I wanted to see what I could take on the physical side. I lost weight, got in shape, sobered up (mostly) and started to train for the Ironman. My new mantra was “peace love and happiness, if you believe it you can make it happen.”
Me-Ah, you touched on something, the Ironman. No wait, before that, what is it about this sport that you like the most?
Myself- The people. I enjoy hanging out at races talking to people and training way more than I do racing. I love hearing their stories, being a part of such an amazing community. My wife laughs at me, because when I travel, I hang out at tri. Shops instead of bars. I love the people.
Me-So you finish the Ironman, and somehow start to write for that other tri. Mag. How does this happen to a former slow, fat, boozed up age grouper?
Myself- Who better? The idea started after Memphis in May, the race director was yelling to everyone to wear lots of sunscreen, it was 90 degrees out and they were making a big point out of it. I was in line to start the swim, and looked at the guy next to me and said, “I don’t have sunscreen on, but I am wearing a condom!” He looked at me like I lost my damn mind. It clicked right then and there. People get so crazy about this sport that at times they forget that it can be fun, even funny, so I wrote an article ranking the top 10 races based on t-shirt design (Spudman) and sent it in, I had a new job.
Me-So this is your job.
Myself- Nope, I make TV shows(City Confidential, Starting Over, Making News Texas Style, Gangland) this is what I love to do.
Me- Continue.
Myself- I am lucky, I will never be fast, or good, but I have a blast at races. Maybe it’s all that extra time on the course, but I do a lot of thinking and that turns into stories. I get to meet great people and also get to hang out with and talk to pros, it’s pretty cool to be able to pick up the phone and call Peter Reid.
Me- Ok, the Ironman. What the hell did you do!
Myself- You mean, the article.
Me- Of course, the article (I Have The Wrong Tattoo). What were you thinking when you wrote that?
Myself-Not much. The idea had been brewing for a while. I always want to tell a story with a little take away. I do think we focus on the brand more than the accomplishment. I do think Chris Hauth is an amazing guy, and there should be an international symbol for our sport (the T-Dot).
Me- Blah! We get it. But it has to be asked, did you guys make this all up just to sell magazines.
Myself- Yes, we did. You’re right, we exhumed the body of Orson Wells and asked him how do we pull off something as whack as War of the Worlds but in the tri. Community? Just to sell magazines.
Me-Really!
Myself-You're cut off! Of course not. It’s all real.. Charlie Yu is a real guy, with a real opinion, like it or not.
Me-He must have really pissed you off.
Myself-Nope, I like Charlie. When I saw the letter, I was psyched, my wife asked me “have you lost your damn mind?’ He just slammed you and everything you believe in. I told her I was honored to have my writing touch someone to the point that they would put themselves out there like Charlie did, in reaction to something I wrote. Face it not too many people get all that worked up about “How To Shave Your Legs.”
Me- So to confirm, Charlie is a real guy and everything that has happened since then is a snow ball effect from that. So what’s your beef with the Ironman folks, isn’t what you did, sort of like opening a gentlemans club with out Tony Soprano’s permission?
Myself- You mean T-Dot.
Me- Yup. I have to say it, but have you lost your damn mind. What gives you the right to dictate what the symbol for our entire sport. You suck at this sport, who are you to decide that!
Myself- You’re not the first person to ask me that. I love the Ironman, I love that it draws a line in the sand 140.6 miles away and gives people something to shoot for. Crossing that line is the only feeling in my life I have no words to describe. However, why not me, why not now, why not T-Dot?
For the hundreds of other triathlete’s out there who bust their ass to make it across the line, they shouldn’t have something to rally around, to show that they are a member of something special?
Does the fact that I am an Ironman and Hunter Kemper isn’t make me more of a triathlete than him. Hell no. I am not dictating it 2,500,000 other athletes have logged on with their support, but the sports governing body won’t touch T-Dot because they’re flat scared of what the Ironaman folks might do. That makes no sense to me. Ironmen are also a members of the T-Dot community, all are welcome, all the time.
Me-Ok, off the soap box. Next topic. Are you proud of yourself.
Myself-Yup. It’s too easy to get caught into the tragic “why me” scenario in life, why did my mom die, why did my wife leave, why, why, why. It can cripple you, but I never let it. The world is filled with Charlie Yu’s telling you, “you can’t. You can’t run, you can’t bike, you can’t swim, an Ironman, you can’t do that.” But you can. The night I became an Ironman I put my daughter to bed and told her the same thing I do every night, which is what I believe to the deepest part of my soul. “Daddy did it. If you believe in yourself, you can do anything, anything.”
Me- Nice. Hey the incense is out.
Myself-So is the tequila.
|
|
The official symbol 
